How To Set Boundaries In A New Relationship

When the book,The Rules,written by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider,first came out in 1995,it became an instant worldwide hit. Women everywhere were drawn to the concept of having a set of 'rules' to help them navigate the early stages of their romantic relationships.

Although I don't necessarily agree with the'rules' myselve but the idea of having a set of personal parameters of what you will and won't accept when you're dating is a concept I can get behind.

Being very clear about how you want to be treated is so important when entering into any new relationship.Setting up the understanding of what you prefer gives the other person the opportunity to figure out if they can meet your expectation,or not.

Once the relationship is established your desire for closeness should be met with closeness. If your partner only ever wants to hook up on Friday night after they've already been out,but having an actual conversation with them is like pulling a tenth,then it's probably a good sign that they don't want the same thing as you.


If this is happening,and you find yourself making excuses for them,then you need to be honest with yourself and ask why you're putting up with that sort of behaviour.

Nonetheless,being flexible is important. Allowing space for mistakes is okay,but when their pattern of behaviour feels like you have constantly adjust something within yourself,then it's time to make a decision about what you really want.

A friend of mine recently met a lady through an online dating site. They had a good conversation and started emailing each other on a regular basis.One day he sent her an email and called her by a different name. At first she corrected him and decide to give the benefit of the doubt.

The second time it happened,well let's just say,he ran smack bang into her boundary!

Whether you or I would have given him a second chance is not important,because boundaries are unique to each person.What my friend knew was that she was also talking more than one person,and it could have been an honest oversight. By the second time,she felt it  was a sign he wasn't putting in much effort,and that definitely didn't bode well for a long and blissful future together.


Here are my top two boundary setting guidelines. Mildy annoying behavior vs. deal breakers:
Like it or not,people aren't perfect.There's going to be behaviors that annoy you from time to time.Thats totally normal.But there are behaviors that you'll want to draw a line at. Having a good understanding of what the difference is for you can help you decide when to be flexible,and called  it a day.

Getting your own needs met.Do you find it difficult to tell people what you need or want from them or the situation? Sometimes it is just easier to keep quiet and go along with things,but if you can or won't set boundaries,people will start to treat you like a doormat. People ultimately respect and admire those who can set clear boundaries and express them with confidence from the outset.

Ultimately,when we understand what it is that we like,or don't like,we can communicate that in a way     that's respectful to ourselves,and others .Whether or not we the other person chooses to accept our boundary is entirely out of our control.