No Couple Is an Island - Let's Bring Back the Tribe

Relationships today means only the relation which you have with your spouse or life partner. When did this happen?

According to media,the other family members do not seem to figure in One's life except on the designated days- mother's,father's children and the likes.

Nuclear family members who on a day-to- day basis only barely survive in today's world,with a lot stress related disorders- just 3 or 4 individuals of very different proclivities struggling their best to cope with each other and grow. Annual reunions and festivals dinner don't count.

"The cave people had it right..one big tumbling tribe....In the apparently barbaric days of yore,the men protected and women hunted or men hunted and women kept home or so-or whatever- whatever it was,it was done in teams. Lone hunter or lone housewife wouldn't have survived the jungle,it was probably tried and tested.

The joint family system-that slightly smaller version of the tribe,had things going fine for a time as well.

Under condition of  absolute nature,meaning,all receiving due respect regardless of any gender differences or life choices,man and woman display different propensities and skills,something,from childhood. The woman prefer cooperation,nurturing and healing,making daily living comfortable,secure and finds satisfaction in the happiness and approval of all around.The man prefer winning the competiion,fighting it out in the world,commanding respect and envy of peers,enjoying the power of having dependents and protecting them. For survival,neither sets of aptitudes and attitudes are dispensable and so neither can they be belittled.

Joint family were successful long time ago. Just 2 teams collaboration for survival of the organization-family.Each relationship had its place. This is probably an over simplified example,but a developer and sales person may not appreciate each others' skills and problems but both teams are equally essential for a company and nobody argues with that. In a good team of own kind,one feels appreciated and supported,and is open to criticism.

In the joint family,every man and woman had a support system of those who are mostly in the same shoes, and therefore could understand,advise and most importantly,be valued for the same reasons. The spouse need not fill the shoe of the parent or peer or not fill the shoe of  the parent or peer or the many other relationships that have their unique privileges.

There is no feeling of isolation or rejection and more over,not much time to feel so. Kids and grand parents are valued like work and upkeep,for they have their place,nurturing each other emotionally and spiritually. The flip side was that there is a constant undercurrent of war for survival in the clash of tastes,preferences,opinions and choices.

The Wrong Kind of Love

A lot of people have the wrong kind of love and don't even know it. If you are experiencing any of the following issues I have listed in this article, then you definitely have that wrong kind of love. You can try to fix it, if you have the time and patience, and if you think that there is something special about your guy. But if all you are getting from him is lots of heartache, then it is time to dump the load that is weighing you down and move on. Now let's get to it. If you have any of the following in your current relationship, you have a serious decision to make:Your man verbally abuses you on a daily basis - Does your man get his high from berating you every chance he gets? He tells you how you just don't know anything - you are dumb, fat, and stupid. He has no regard for your opinion or feelings about any subject. Even when you go out of your way to prepare his favorite dish for him, he never has anything positive to say. If this is the kind of man you have in your life, you need to think seriously about finding a healthy relationship - one that builds your self-esteem and values what you bring to the table. As a result of the verbal abuse, you may have developed anxiety attacks that make your life a living hell. According to the creator of the Linden Method that guarantees to cure anxiety attacks, Charles Linden, "You aren't going mad, you are one of 20 million people in the USA alone who suffer with ANXIETY DISORDER and/or PANIC DISORDER and if that is the case, I promise you that this is the most important website you will ever find." 
From time to time, he physically abuses you - If he gets angry and pushes or slaps you around to let you know he is the boss, you absolutely do not have the right kind of guy. Now bear in mind that some guys are able to change this behavior, but you must give your particular situation some serious thought. Start by getting professional help.Just because he apologizes and tells you he loves you with all his heart, after beating you into a pulp, does not mean he loves you. If this is his way of expressing his love for you, then you don't want this kind of love. You could wind up in a ditch somewhere, if you are not proactive about changing your situation. Access the link above now, do not waste one more minute.He feels he is doing you a favor by staying with you - Does he make you feel that he is doing you a favor by being with you? Is your love life starting to feel like "Sympathy Love?" When you cry about how he is treating you, he feels bad and hangs around. Stop it. If your guy cannot love you for who you are, then there is absolutely no reason why you should continue that kind of relationship. Your guy ought to be happy to be with you. If he is not, then you ought to let him go. You will be better off when you finally find a man that derives joy from fulfilling your heart's romantic desires.He never makes any effort to spend quality time with you - It is common sense that people want to spend time with those they love and care, while staying far away from those they despise or barely tolerate. What it boils down to is this; if you have to force him to make time for you, especially when he is not too busy with work, then that is a big hint that he does not want to be around you. Don't wait around to be hit with a big stick for you to get it through your head.He flirts with other women in your presence - This is one of the worst forms of disrespect. Flirting with another woman in your presence is a rude and crude way of letting you know that what you feel or think is immaterial. It is a way of telling you, "If you like, you can leave me or you can stay, but I will do what I want with whoever I want." There is no way you can have a happy relationship without respect.He goes out on the weekends and comes home the next day - This is worse than flirting with another woman in your presence. If this happens often then that is a strong clue that he is having an affair and really wants to move on with his life, but doesn't quite know how to verbalize it.He is constantly trying to lie his way out of a lie - This one ties right into the last point - coming home the next day when he goes out on weekends. If he is telling a lie to get himself out of the last one he told, then it is time for you to move on, unless of course you want to drain your energy and enthusiasm for life with a loser. Before you go, you can do some detective work yourself to get the hard evidence you need to bust him and his lies.He is not supportive of your goals and aspirations - If he is not supportive of your goals and aspirations, it means that he does not value you or what you want to do with your life. Love cannot last when one party's dreams and goals are the only ones being pursued, discussed or nurtured.
No matter how bad your situation is, you can change your situation. Learn how to get your man to fall madly in love by getting a copy of Passion Keys at smartwomansguide.com. You will learn the quickest way to take romantic relationship to a whole new level.If you are unsure if your current relationship can be salvaged, try to get the objective opinions of trusted family members. Often times they are able to help you decide whether to stay in your relationship and work things out or simply grab your bag and turn a new leaf. If you do make the decision to move on, you want to make sure you do not jump into the arms of the next sweet-looking devil you run into. You can't afford to make the mistake of having lightening strike you twice. Looks can be deceiving. Just because a man looks gentle and acts like he has princely manners, does not mean he is a nice guy. Bad guys know how to act nice, until they know you have fallen in love with .

What's Up With Unconditional Love

To tell you the truth, I'm a little disillusioned with the term unconditional love, lately. It's just not "natural". The phrase has been used for decades, by psychologists, therapists, A.A. types and the overall spiritually minded to describe how one should cope with impossible behavior." The original principle behind the concept, was to help the person who is being abused accept the circumstances and not have to live in a perpetual state of resentment towards their partner. You, as the
codependent (ie the one who is always hurt) is supposed to see your partner as "sick" and not blame him or her for their actions. You're supposed to love and care for the adulterer, batterer, gambler, manic depressive or alcoholic the same way you would someone who has the flu. Husband comes home drunk? Sober him up with cups of black coffee and a dose of your eternally burning, unconditional love. Boyfriend unfaithful? That's O.k., because you have unconditional love for him that will last for an eternity. Girlfriends rack up your credit cards again with her compulsive shopping? You'll take care of the bills because you're love for her is undying and unconditional and you've told yourself ""I'll always love her no matter what ...."

Those of us who have been there know that we can only comfort ourselves with the concept of unconditional love for so long until the relationship becomes too expensive, emotionally, socially and financially. This is often more serious then the kind of consequences we pay when someone is sick with "the flu." Plus lately, after talking to many clients, many of whom are still paying in one way or another for the irresponsible behavior of a full grown adult, I am starting to conclude that when the person with the "ism" or "recently diagnosed personality disorder" is on to us then out comes the term unconditional love. If we say no or object to the behavior, he or she can always turn around and go "but I thought you said your love was me was
unconditional!!!" This puts us on the defense because it implies that we are the ones who are unloving and unlovable. I think the appropriate response is "well then why don't you go out and find someone who will agree to co-sign your B.S.!!'" If they're A.A. trained they'll probably snap back with "that's what you get for having expectations or preferences of me...you know I'm sick!"

I think love is conditional. One of those conditions is "trust." If you have unconditional love for someone, it is implicit you don't trust them, especially if you've condemned yourself to a lifetime of loving him or her "no matter what." Love is a natural thing, like a flower, that one should expect to bloom and its o.k. to be disappointed if it doesn't. The nature of love is to grow, compound and multiply and not destroy. The next time you fall in love, put terms and conditions on it and demand a 200% return on your investment. It's your precious energy!

Igniting Boldness

It never fails. I cannot seem to attend a meeting, visit the clinic, or make a quick trip without collecting a person--or two--along the way. As if by magnetic force, someone will look at me a certain way, say one word with special force, or laugh infectiously, and I know that fate has been sealed: he or she will become my new friend.

I noticed this tendency of mine as a young child. But over the last decade or so, this pattern has intensified. Moving across the country three times in four years, eventually settling into what is now our eighth house, I've been forced out of my comfort zone on more occasions than I can count. Fresh situations, fresh groups of strangers, fresh experiences, and even fresh shopping have all had their collective influence on the necessity of forming new friendships. New babies? Rounded toddlers? The quintessential heart-sealers. Wilson and Yinka, the brand new baby and older-brother-toddler-duo of new friend Tonia,entered my life after a relocation; years later, they're still an integral part of my "collection."

Boldness must be one of the most liberating delights of being almost close to forty sometimes. For even though I have always been magnetized towards new faces and new friends, it wasn't until several years ago that I officially allowed boldness to enter the mix. And it's not like I woke up on my thirty fifth birthday and proclaimed: "I think I'll be bold now. I've earned it." No. Something happened between childhood and adulthood which allowed me to claim the freedom to recognize that when good chemistry already existed, I could be bold about the ignition. Somewhere along the way I crept out of myself and started walking into other people's lives without fear of rejection.

Jumoke wears eyeglasses that cover most of her perpetually sun-tanned face. Now eighty years old, she was in her early seventies when I first saw her. Across a crowded convention floor, packed with several hundred fellow attendees, I couldn't help but notice the smartly-dressed, petite woman with pure black hair, cut in an adorable bob with bangs, highlighted by oversized Carol Channing-esque black eyeglasses. During a coffee break on the last full day of the conference, I walked up to this complete and utter stranger and said: "I have got to know you." Pretty bold going there. After talking just a few minutes, I knew we were destined to be more than friends. We were destined to be like family. We "adopted" each other. I call her "mom #2" and she calls me "daughter #3." Good chemistry drew me to her, but boldness propelled me. It ignited an already brewing alchemy of admiration and respect.

Don presented a talk about his trips to Abuja at a conference Darlington and I attended in Lekki a few years ago. Tears flooded my face as we all listened---spellbound---to stories of his incredible journey in ministry. When we were invited to attend a smaller discussion group over lunch, we felt compelled to go. More talk on Abuja. More tears. When the conference ended the next day, Don came over to where Jumoke and I were seated as we were packing up our things before heading home to Agungi. Boldly, yet tenderly, he said that he couldn't help notice how moved we had become by his talks. More tears. Don's words had pierced us, and he recognized that he and his wife needed to know Jumoke and me. He and Molly eventually "adopted" me, too; I hadn't had an earthly father since mine was taken tragically in a plane crash when I was thirteen years old. Boldness ignited.

Jennifer  has likewise crept into my heart. A mere nineteen months old, I knew I'd love this child the minute I laid eyes on her. Diagnosed with the same type of leukemia as John,this spunky toddler took one look at me and I haven't been the same since. While I can't claim looking forward to going to the clinic with Nick, I do recognize its inevitability; as such, on any given day that we're required to be there, I always look forward to the possibility that Jeniffer might be there, too. One day, just before Christmas, with Jeniffer's mom home with a stomach bug, and John and Jumoke, her dad and I trapped inside the clinic for the day, I was able to ignite boldness. Flying solo with hours of chasing her, calming her, feeding her, and changing her, it was obvious that her dad needed a break. So Jennifer and I played "dollhouse" for an hour or so. Boldness was ignited and I was able to snatch this babe up in my arms and just love on her that afternoon.

Some people collect things. I collect people. Oh sure: I have a small collection of Staffordshire figurines. Majolica, blue-and-white china, and pewter, too. (Oh yeah...I can't forget my roosters.) But I could add a rooster to my collection every year of my life and it would never matter for eternity. It would never make a real difference in my life or in the life of another human being. But recognizing that chemistry draws you to certain people---and not to others---is one of those mysteries of life. Certain faces, looks, stares, laughs, movements...they all come into play in this woven fabric of our lives. I cannot explain why we are drawn to one person and not another. Chemistry? God's plan for our lives?

Of course, we need to be careful with chemistry. It goes without saying that certain people are "off limits." Married men, no matter how great the chemistry, are off limits to other women. Be extremely careful in igniting boldness for any reason there; this is a highly flammable situation. And it goes almost without saying that we need to make sure that our antennae are pointed skyward before igniting boldness with anyone. But if the little red flag---generally flying high during times of impending danger or contemplated sin---fails to rear its windy head when someone "has you on hello": ignite boldness. Hug the white-haired saint, weep with the broken-hearted, and sweep up the sick babe into your warm, strong arms.

Recharging Your Relationship

Now you may ask why we would write an article about developing better relationships. The reason is because I believe that those who are in a relationship will be significantly and directly affected in all areas of their life by how that relationship is going, and how healthy that relationship is.

Research has proven that those who are happy at home are more productive and less stressful at work. Developing a better relationship with your mate can help you develop a better life and a better business! Here are some thoughts to chew on for developing a strong and healthy relationship with your mate.

Listen. Communication is the key to a lasting relationship and listening is the key to communicating. Too often when we are quiet we are not listening, but waiting to speak. Instead of listening to what our mate is saying, and intently trying to understand them, very often we are making mental notes of what we would like to say in response. This is particularly true for us males. We often are trying to find the weakness in our mate's argument, rather than really listening to the words that they're saying and the manner in which they're saying it. Why not take some time this week trying to internalize and understand your mate's words and feelings?

Schedule a regular time to go out or spend time together. With today's busy lifestyles, it is too easy to put our relationships on the backburner and take them for granted. While we might have every intention of spending regular time with our mate, we often find ourselves driven by a schedule that has us running in every direction and leaving us little time for our most important relationships. Work gets in the way. The kids get in the way. Our hobbies get in the way. We need to realize the value in the importance of that relationship with our mate and its effect on our total life. Then we need to make spending time with our mate a major priority by scheduling a specific time at least each week to get alone together, talk, and simply renew our relationship. Be sure to set some time aside each week to rediscover each other and enjoy your time together. Pencil it into your schedule and don't give up that spot. In fact, it is probably best if you and your mate sit down and decide what night will work each and every week, then put it into your daytimer. If someone asks you if you're available at that time, you tell them you already have an appointment. In the long run, that time that you spend with your mate will help you to become more of a success than you could ever mention.

Consider your mate's interests more important than your own. When each person has decided to give of themselves to the other, you form a reciprocating relationship of love, concern, and devotion. When you come to a place where you disagree or where the two of you have differing opinions, try to get to the point where you can consider what your mate likes as more important then what you would like to do. The simple decision to do this goes a long way toward developing a healthy relationship!

Learn your mate's love language. There is a lot of talk recently of love languages. What this is, is that each individual has certain ways they receive love from other people. Some people like to have time spent with them. Others like gifts, small or large. Still others respond best to personal touch. And others appreciate verbal affirmation. Our tendency is to show love the way that we like to receive love, but what will recharge our relationship fastest is to find out what way our mate likes to receive affirmations of our love. To next time you get a chance to speak to your mate, ask them which of the above ways they like best to receive your demonstration of love. Then make a conscious effort to begin showing your love to them in that manner.

Do the small things you did when you first fell in love with your mate. Do remember when you were first in love? Remember the small things you did show your love to your mate? But as time went along, you probably began to get weighed down with simply living life and forgot the small things that made the difference in the beginning. Things like a phone call in the middle of the day just to talk or say "I love you," an appreciative note, flowers, gifts, and opening doors. Re-charge your relationship by consciously going back and doing the small things that you did when your love first began to grow.

Forgive. I've done a lot of work with couples were having troubles, and one of the most common elements I find that is working against the development of their relationship is that they are holding something against the other and they aren't willing to forgive. The fact is that your mate is going to fail you from time to time. We need to understand that. What we do when we get to that point however, is what will make all the difference in the world. In a relationship that is going to last, the people involved are committed to forgiving one another. Those who's relationships last longest, and will be the healthiest, are those who are committed to forgiveness.

I hope these thoughts are helpful to you in recharging your love relationship. I truly believe that if we will put these principles into practice we will see our relationships grow in ways they never have before, and that in turn will make our whole life better.

It's a Guts Feeling- Finding love

Most single guys are settled in their life. Their mornings, afternoons and evenings have a routine they are comfortable with and rarely will they go beyond the boundaries of that routine. Even a single guy's loneliness can become his norm and if someone crosses his path that interest him, he rationalizes instead of trying to adapt.

Many times this leads to confusion - he just isn't sure if she is the one. He over thinks, he pauses, rewinds, goes forward until nothing makes sense about being involved. Soon he is back to his comfortable routine of drinking beer and watching football on Sunday. The loneliness he feels won't go away and after many beer drinking Sundays, he may try to fill that emptiness again. But just like before, he soon feels he is out of his comfort zone and the story repeats itself. After awhile, he is asking himself, how do I find love?

This problem persist because he wants the girl to instantly fit into his comfort zone. At first, when he sees her, he is excited and this is enough to keep the relationship alive. In time the lady's personality and feelings make him over think the relationship and the excitement dissipates. At one time it was exciting, but it loses its luster as the relationship moves forward - especially when the lady's discussion involves changes in his life. He feels the pressure and wants out. Soon, he is back to filling his emptiness with beer and Sunday afternoon football.

You see ladies, guys don't have the same type of instinct as you do and don't easily trust intuitive feelings. He'll over think what's in his heart, especially if he feels the only way he can love you is for him to make major changes in his life (they may not be major to you, but to him missing a Sunday afternoon of football may seem worse than going through hurricane Ivan). The gap will widen until it is beyond closing, no matter how he may truly feel about you. Whatever he felt at first now rest in a place that has no understanding of intuition. It may still be there, but buried in a cluster of confusion. What can you do ladies? Not much, except maybe back off a little. What can you do guys? Don't think about it - trust your gut feeling.

I just got done saying that a guy's feelings may be buried in confusion. What a man doesn't realize that this is what separate men from women's intuition. What we interrupt as confusion, a lady calls intuition and has complete trust in those feelings no matter how chaotic it may seem. In other words, guys, they go with the flow. We will fight it, we will rationalize it, we will try to hide it with alcohol, cover it with masculine bravo, but instead, we should listen to it. Don't run, don't hide, just let it be and let it take its course. Scary, thought, isn't it, guys? But if you are tired of the merry-go-round of emptiness you may want to give it a chance.

I know some of you guys are still looking for clarity, so here goes. Our visual instincts are in tune when we first see a lady. All she needs to do is give us a little sign of encouragement and our hormones are in high gear. We don't think beyond the moment, care about house payments or closet space, our eyes see what we like, a signal says it is OK to like what we see and we are in heaven. Simple! Now let's move ahead where the lady starts thinking about how life would be beyond the weekend movie, sexual encounters and the occasional dinner together. She wants more. If you fight it, she is gone, so you let the door open. She is in with some feelings - you thought you could handle it, but now you seem to be reacting to her feelings. Is this bad, guys, that you are reacting to her feelings?

We seem to interrupt a reaction, even if it is a positive one, as being bad. At this stage we begin the debate between what we feel and what we know. We know we like to watch foot ball, but how will my feelings change me being able to watch football on Sunday? (I know ladies, you just can't believe it's that hard to decide between football and love, but for guys, it can be). When there is a debate between our head and our heart, ladies, the head usually wins. What I'm telling guys, if what you feel inside is positive, don't cloud it with other possible scenarios. Let it flow - trust that what you feel inside can be a positive in all aspects of your life. But for now, don't think, just be.

Guys, I'm not saying that in time you may realize that she is not right for you and shouldn't get out, but what I am saying is we usually kill the chance to find out before we let time take its course. Usually, we over think our reactions until the only reaction left is we feel she is an intrusion in our life. Than she's gone and the loneliness comes back - another Sunday, another 6 pack or two of beer and you are getting older, lonelier and maybe, just maybe, wiser.

I say wiser because I think younger guys fit the above sort better than an older gent. As a guy gets older, he may realize not to react so quickly, but trust that what he feels may actually enhance other aspects of his life. This is why a lot of younger Filipina ladies like older men. To them, older men are more settled, accepting and willing.

Obviously, guys have met a lady and after the first date knew she wasn't the one. Even then a guy will call it a mistake rather than a gut feeling. He'll say something like, "I don't know what I saw in her, but man she isn't for me." It is when it goes beyond the first date and his gut has already said, "man she is the one" that he will start to talk himself out of any involvement when the lady wants a little more than the two of them getting together on Friday and Saturday nights. I"m telling you guys, trust that initial feeling, let the confusion in, don't fight it and give it time. You may find that you can still watch your football game on Sundays while she is nibbling on your ear.

That's it, short and sweet. Guys, if you feel she is the one after a date or two, trust your gut feeling and don't talk yourself out of it. There is more to life than Sunday afternoon football. There is Monday night football also. Just kidding, smile, let what you feel be your guide and forget thinking too hard about how those feelings may change your life. Let it flow and let her love you.

Improve Your Relationship With Vastu

Do you want to be in a relationship that brings you deep fulfillment and love? Or perhaps you want a more satisfying connection with that one person already in your life? Would you like to have a deeply rewarding relationship with yourself?

From a Vastu perspective, if your home is not in proper balance, those things that you desire most in life can elude you causing sadness, disappointment, and lost opportunities. Relationships, like other areas of your life, can be compromised when your home is not in balance with the natural forces that permeate the world and our Universe.

In nature all five elements (earth, water, fire, air and space) are in balance. When building, very little attention is placed on the importance of creating a structure that benefits the well-being and happiness of the inhabitants or that brings in support from solar and magnetic energies.

Have you ever experienced walking into a home that made you feel uncomfortable for no apparent reason? Or entered a home where you felt wonderful and relaxed? It is the subtleties in our world that have great impact on us. Some people are attuned to the environment and can sense this harmony or disharmony more readily. But for most, we are not as aware of the impact our surroundings have on us. We are conscious of the symptoms of disharmony - unhappiness, stress, arguments, and discontent, but rarely if ever do we consider that the underlying causes could come from our environment.

Vastu Shastra is the architectural science that can create maximum harmony in a relationship through a unique process of balancing the five elements in your home. It allows for the beneficial energy to be readily available to support your desire for peace, happiness, and fulfillment.

Here's how it works: As a part of this earth, we live in a sea of electromagnetic and stellar influences. Every shift produced in the atmosphere has the potential to affect our actions. Every particle of energy is linked to the next particle. According to Vastu, the sun produces different qualities of energy on its path from east to west and can influence our daily life. Each of the five elements is associated with a direction and each direction has a particular influence on us. Different aspects of relationships are most optimally supported in a specific direction. When there is stress caused by finances, sexual imbalances, overwork, inability to communicate, children, and health challenges, relationships do not thrive.

The northeast area of your residence is associated with the water element and influences the growth of your relationships. The northeast is good for entrances. If this area has proper Vastu, your finances will be good and this aspect will have a positive affect on your relationships. If there is a toilet, a missing corner, clutter, heating or lighting systems, or blockage in the northeast, growth of your relationships will stagnate. If your bedroom is in this area, there will be a lot of tension.

The southeast area of you home is associated with the fire element. The southeast influences the energy needed to have lively relationships. Kitchens, heating and electrical systems work well in the southeast. If this area is balanced according to Vastu, there will be passion in your life and relationships. If there is a cut or blockage in this area, your relationships will suffer. If the master bedroom is in the southeast, there will be quarreling.

The southwest area of your residence is associated with the earth element. The southwest influences the stability of your relationships. The optimum place for the master bedroom is in the southwest. Whether or not this is possible, having your bed in the southwest area of your bedroom with the head of the bed on the south wall is very beneficial for positive relationships. If this area has proper Vastu, your relationships will be very solid and grounded. In this area, if there is a missing corner, toilet, or heating source, there will be some obstacles to your relationships.

The northwest area of your home is associated with the air element. The northwest influences the ability to create and communicate. Toilets and guest bedrooms work well in the northwest and support mental stability, attraction, and clear communications. If there is a missing corner, no windows, or very little space between your home and another building, there will be mental instability, poor communication, and a lack of attraction between people.

The central area of a residence is associated with the space element. If this area is open there will be good communication in relationships. If there is clutter, toilets, a kitchen or no open space in the central area of a home, there will be disagreements.

As you can see, stress can occur within your environment that can impact your life. This can be easily remedied by having a Vastu analysis done on your home (or office). Vastu Creations will help you create balance and harmony in your home and life.

How to Build Solid Relationship

The whole world is about people and how you bond with them. They will remember what  and how you achieved great things in the same vein,they will always remember how you made them feel. So be sure to  them feel good most of the time and they will capture your heart. Now,about you. How do you behave with the people enriching you? Let's dive into this discussion. Read on to find out.

 Starting with your own family,how do you react towards them?Are you pissed off or lighthearted ?
If you are ill-tempered, you have something to work on.You need to cool down and then start talking to your family members.You need to behave well,especially for your children because they are picking up cues from you all the time.You don't want them to grow up ill-tempered and non-sensible adults.

 After getting out of your home,you will meet the doorman and probably the gardener.Say hello to them cheerfully and smile. Immediately you bond a relationship with them-that is also a meaning and promising one.

When you go to the supermarket,you would probably meet some known or unknown faces.Smile and talk cheerfully,draw up on your credit card and pull the cart away to avoid chaos.If you meet friends there,be sure to strike a lovely,short conversation and be back home or some other place on your agenda.

Wherever you meet people,make eye contact and smile.They will smile back and you will bond together positively.

As for me,I frequently visit confectionery,stationery and pharmacy shops near my home. All the people in there have come to know me. I am always cheerful and have bonded positively with them.So they care to hand over their best products and never cheat on me. So bonding with the people you see every day has an upside.

I recently visited my uncle who lives a long distance away from our home.Last time I visited him,we struck a lively and jolly conversation. At the end he handed me a big deep blue decorative bag as a gift which I still use today for my grocery shopping. Presently when I visited him,I gave him a bracket   I bought from Dubai and he loved it.All his four children are staying abroad and so when I visited him, I fill up some space in his heart and he treats me like his own son.

 There are examples of people like this everywhere in our lives.We just need to know how to connect to them positively. You never know who will come to need in a time of crisis or danger. So remember to smile at people and bond gracefully and above all,make them feel good in a way they will love and remember.

Building The Bond In Your Relationship

A bond (relationship wise) is when two people have a connection. Being attracted to each other and sharing common values and interests brought the two of you together as a couple, but the bond has not been set completely. Besides the fact that you have love and care between you, you also need to see whether or not the two of you are friends. Is it possible to be friends? Absolutely! As a matter of fact, it is a must if the two of you are going to build a lasting bond.

Having a strong longing and passion for another is important, but is not enough fuel to keep the bond running. With friendship, your relationship will remain having that strength under all kinds of circumstances. There will be times, for example, when you as a couple are not living in your most passionate times. This is natural and does not mean there is no longer love or desire. As your relationship deepens, you will go through many experiences and stages that may put your romance and frequent hot sex aside for a while. This is where friendship comes in and why it is so important. You should be there for each other and understand your partner's situations and concerns. Just take a look at your friends. See what makes your friendship with them so great. You then need to see if your partner has those same similarities or exact (sticking up for you when you need the back up for instance) qualities. Another point to keep in mind is keeping yourself aware of what behavior you would not except from a friend. You should definitely not accept those behaviors from your mate (like standing you up all the time) either.

It is not easy to put our friends and lovers in the same comparison because we are in love with our partners, and therefore will be more patient with them than we would with our friends. You can easily blind yourself due to the love you feel for that person and not even realize when he or she is not being a good friend and partner to you. How can you tell? A true friendship is basically the same as the true qualities that define real love. The difference is, we are in love and have a deep desire for our mates, with commitment and a goal of building a future, and perhaps even getting married and making a family together. The list below will help you see if your lover is a friend to you as well.

You can talk to and confide in each other about anything.

Your partner is there for you when you need to talk to someone.

Being able to always rely on each other when one is counted on.

Having a permanent shoulder to cry on when we need it

Having many things in common

Accepting one another for who we are

Listening to us and considering our opinions important

Do not feel guilty for having higher expectations from your lover either. People often feel like they should be more lenient and understanding when it comes to their lovers. Even though it is important to keep an understanding attitude (to avoid misunderstandings and arguments), you should never let things always slide or make up excuses for your partner's wrong doings. You should expect better and not except such behavior. You deserve better. After all, you invest most of your emotions and time into your partner, so always remember that you are entitled to receive the same.

As important as having that great friendship is, it is also good to remember not to let the friendship get out hand. Is it possible to let a friendship get carried away? Yes, in a relationship it is. It is wonderful when you can be best friends with your partner, but sometimes the friendship is doing so well that it receives all the focus, while in the meantime the romance (being in love) has been neglected. If you are not careful, in time, you will start looking at each other as close buddies and no longer be that passionate couple you started as. There are points that can guide you into detecting when your romance and desire is entering the danger zone before it is too late and would be suggestible to seek professional advice on how to get things back on track.

Remembering not to forget our desires for our partner will keep the romance in the picture. If the relationship still fails to rekindle those feelings and you or your partner cannot leave that buddy mode, looking around with curiosity for others, then your relationship will need some extra help (you can get advice on how to save your relationship). What if it is difficult to have a friendship? This can be another issue, but there are ways to help you find solutions. Some couples may share the most wonderful romance and sex ever, but not really have an actual friendship. In most cases, it would not be advisable to stay in such a relationship, but there are ways you can try and still have some hope.

As long as you and your partner remember to keep the romance, love and friendship balanced, your relationship will continue to live in great health, living as long as the both of you wish it to! The decision is yours, so be good enough to yourself and your mate to make the right one. Relationships can seem confusing and hopeless at times, and they can get that way if you do not keep close watch. Stop yourself periodically to check the status of your relationship to makes sure the bond is building, as it should be. Keep in mind that with the right attention and teamwork, the two of you can build the greatest bond. Most importantly, remember that key word you just learned...BALANCE.